Soumya's Weird Musings

I have had my second "Hallelujah" moment of 2018. And again, it's only a reminder of what I should've known all along. All of last month, I've let myself believe that my abilities and specialties can be counted on one hand. I distanced myself from the "Believe in Yourself" trope and avoided thinking that I was strong or smart. That has started to change now. It started at the beginning of this month, when I found out that my grandparents' anniversary was in a week. This calls for  one of my special handmade gifts, I thought. Now, I had visions in my head for what I could do, and I decided to use one of those. I am proud to say that it turned out exactly as I envisioned it – in fact, I posted a picture on Facebook. I'm very proud of that work of mine, as I am proud of everything I've ever made. It made me realize, though: this is a trait I've always had. The visions I have in my head of the things I'll make have become a rea...

 I've touched on this topic before. In high school, I've been the type of person from whom people expected great things. Among those "great things" was getting a perfect score on tests and exams. It didn't matter if it was an inconsequential exam. Teachers expected a perfect score from me in an environment where 45 out of 70 was the  highest score in my class during the half yearly exams. Make no mistake – the final year of school is the hardest. Now, getting a perfect score is usually the least of my worries. But I haven't been very kind to myself. In my senior year, I got greedy. I pushed myself to the point of "ready to drop to the floor right now" exhaustion.  Perfect attendance, perfect scores... I deluded myself into thinking that this is what constitutes the perfect senior year. All the while, my perfect health kept slipping. It's funny how long epiphanies take to happen, but when they do, they rock your world to its foundations. My...