A Step Above: A Father's Day Special

June 04, 2018

Far apart from the crowds, the meaningless chatter, the gossip of the world, sits my role model. But that's not to say he's detached from the world; usually, he's at the center of it. But his presence itself is a whole new world; away from the societal constructs of everyday life, where base, primal tendencies give way to the distinction between heart, body, and mind, where the mind rules everything. 

His behavior betrays nothing; his face, even less. To the world he seems unapproachable, cold. One might even go so far as to say his heart is made of stone.

It isn't.

It may not be easy speaking of emotions in front of him. I know it is the case for me. But moving past those difficulties reveals a person who gives advice the way no one does. Where the world says, "Dumb yourself down," he says, "Rise above." Where the world forces you to conform, he tells you to conform one facet of you - the body, the behavior, not the mind. Never the mind, with him. The mind reigns supreme.

I used to think emulating him meant emulating his personality. Now I realize that when it comes to him, that is as shallow as caring simply about looks. It's not about his personality. No, his mind dictates his personality. To truly emulate him, I must enter his mind, find out how he thinks. 

This is no easy task. I don't know how I think, if I do think at all. All these months I've been trying to define how to think, and I'm not any closer to an answer. But this - this happens in steps. Figure out how to think. Figure out how I think. Figure out how he thinks. Figure out how I can imbibe it into my own thoughts. 

I've spent too much time emulating his personality, but not without fruit. I know him enough to be able to explain most of his behavior (though what need he or I have of that I cannot decipher), and I know enough about him to know that this is the next step.

If I accomplish what I'm setting out to do, all thought of "fitting in" will be replaced by "nothing matters more to me than being the best person I can be."

June 21, 2020

Some goals stay the same, some shift. And yet, the shift is enormous given that only two years have passed. For one, my role model isn't my role model anymore. I have no role models at the moment.

And there's no sad story behind it. Yes, my father is no longer my role model. Yes, I do still hold him in high regard. But taking the "role model" label off him has allowed me to see more of him, and has in fact helped me reach closer to my goal.

If there's one philosophy that runs rampant in the Dhavale family, it is that growing into yourself is the best outcome as a person. No one is a conformist. Conformity is frowned upon. Being yourself is given importance. So I imagine it would be happy news for my father that his daughter does not have role models, she has ideals that she tries to adhere to. Here's my Father's Day gift to you, Dad.

And yet some traits I wrote about, I do still admire in him and wish I had. A hard exterior. Detachment from worldly gossip and formalities. Mind over matter. That doesn't change, but how I approach those traits certainly has.

How to think - well, the quest is latent for the time being. However, freeing myself from the pressure I inflicted on myself for emulating him gives me an insight. I don't know how he thinks, but I see how he behaves. And I know my thoughts and how they dictate my actions. The missing variable is overruled by the known.

I do often say that my looks are my mother's and my behavior is my father's. That is indeed true, but to an extent.

My parents are two extremes of a spectrum from my perspective. My mother on the emotional end and my father on the logical end. I used to regard emotion with disdain. I still do, but to a far lesser extent. Now I think of myself as the median of that spectrum. 

Interactions around the house are never dull when my parents' personalities collide. But working in tandem, sometimes emotions amplify rationale, and the mind finds itself humanized by the constraint that emotion can help surpass challenges that are beyond wit. It has happened with me.

And I have the best of both worlds. In my world, I am finding my own truths and finding my own happy medium. The best news is that I am rising above being a conformist.

Happy Father's Day to you, Dad, and to fathers everywhere.