Can There Be Joy?

Over the past few months, I’ve had the pleasure of being a participant in the IAAC: International Astronomy and Astrophysics Competition.

In late April or early May, I received a link to participate in the competition. It wasn’t very high-stakes, and honestly, I don’t really have a competitive bone in my body. I had just got done deciding that I didn’t need to demonstrate my love for or proficiency in science to anyone. But something just…called to me, I guess. It was by sheer luck that they had just extended the deadline because of the COVID pandemic, or I would have missed my chance.

I downloaded the document for the qualifiers and looked at the questions. They were easy enough that I breezed through them in the span of one evening and sent my answers off confidently. I had to wait an agonizingly long time to hear back, though. But when I did, I had qualified for the pre-final round.

The pre-final round was difficult, but no less fun. Honestly, it was an extension of my knowledge. It truly felt like I was expanding on my own knowledge. A bit like…I know a few principles of astronomy, astrophysics, and physics as English sentences. During the pre-final round, I was able to put that theoretical knowledge to the test, and I was allowed some support to learn the math that would carry me the rest of the way. Despite the difficulty of the questions, I enjoyed solving them immensely – finding the magnitudes of stars, applying the equations of relativity, reading research on black holes and gravitational waves…I was on my turf, but exploring new horizons. I lost track of time for that one week when I was solving that packet of questions. Sitting down at 11 AM, and only getting up when I heard the holler that called me to lunch three hours later.

And I compared it to the competition we are accustomed to as Indian students. The JEE, the IAPT Astronomy exam, the NTSE…and I’m sure the list goes on. The key difference between these exams and the IAAC, I feel, was that the latter didn’t make me sob and feel hopeless. The lesson that I learned makes me want to share it here because it’s a lesson that showed me my path again, and I hope to spread it to anyone who may be feeling like science (or any other subject) is not their cup of tea.

The IAAC as well as the competitive exams listed above test your knowledge of science. But what made me enjoy the IAAC was that it didn’t make me despair over my competence. All of these exams test the same things, but with the IAAC, there’s a general sense that…it’s not just a competition. Every person who participates contributes something, and takes something away from the experience. Win or not, the IAAC also provides the chance to share astronomy and astrophysics with the world and gives you a chance to stay connected to their community.

You have international competitions like the Breakthrough Junior Challenge and the IAAC on the one hand; and the JEE, IAPT, NTSE, and a few others on the other hand. No matter the outcome in the former competitions, you feel like you did something, contributed something. In the latter competitions, it feels like nothing you ever do will be enough. There’s a reason I shied away from those.

For some time, I believed I’m not doing real science if I’m not breaking down over every question or problem – or even when learning something new. If it’s not complicated, it’s not science. And with the science that I knew, understood and loved…it really made me question if I was indeed scientist material at all. Now I am sure of a few facts: one, that I do love science, and to a good extent; two, that I really don’t need to prove my love or competence to anyone; and three, there’s a time for everything and everything in its time – whatever else I may be, I am a beginner and a student. I should be measured on my affinity to learn, not on the number of feathers in my cap. Because I do think I am a good learner. I take cues from my mistakes and become involved with what I’m learning – I go deep and apply what I learn. How do you quantify that kind of thing?

Meanwhile, the competition progressed and I made it to the final round – a supervised exam of forty minutes on astronomy and astrophysics facts. It went well in the sense that I only got eight questions wrong. I botched it in the sense that at times, the pressure and overconfidence got to me and I made stupid mistakes that could have improved my score.

But the journey was worthwhile and I have a Gold Honor along with being placed in the top three percent of all competitors and in the top fifteen percent of all finalists, so…hurray? Hurray!