To See (One)self in a Good Light

I've always thought – and I'm pretty sure I'm right – that your talents are your own to take pride in and to use. You're supposed to be proud of who you are and what you stand for, and you should be free to make decisions on how you're going to use what you've been given to use.

If you've been reading this blog regularly (and I hope you have), you might know where this is going. This has something to do with school. But I've decided I'm going to write about it regardless, because it needs to be put out there so people can recognize the student's side of what schools so heavily advertise.

Because when you read an article on how students went to Mauritius for a summit, they don't tell you that the students slept for less than five hours every night. And it is this side that I try to present.

So, talents.
I've been recognized to have many. I have trouble seeing them in myself, but if my actions speak louder than my words, then I'm sure I have some. And I'm not afraid to use them.

There is one problem: I don't work well under pressure. I mean not at all. I do my best work under my own influence, skipping around my room, having conversations with myself. And that, I believe, produces stuff that convinces people that I'm talented. That is what I am wont to believe.

School never gave me that kind of environment. I had to push myself to unreasonable limits in unreasonable time spans. It's important to understand this because…well, because I have nightmares about these to this day, despite being out of school since May.

Believe me, I have had an ultimatum given to me in school because I made the "mistake" of being a good student. And that had made me wish...

That had made me wish I was less than who I am. It made me wish I had no talent to speak of, if only so I could stay under the radar.

Correct me if I'm wrong. I thought school exists to help you become the best you you can be, to help you realize your potential, your needs.

Instead, "school" treated me like I was not capable of having my own opinion, not capable of making my own decisions. It made me wish I was less than who I am, and to me, that's as scary as seeing an open blade and thinking about starting to slit my wrists. *Slow clap for the Indian education system*

Original start date of writing: August 25, 2018
Original end date of writing: September 06, 2018

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Among the Stars: A Poem

  Conceived: 30 Aug, 2020 Completed and Recited: 29 Sep, 2020 With this poem, I attach a recitation which is my attempt at bringing a tune to it. Hope you enjoy. Shut the doors to my heart And hope that it's a start Can't really trust who you are  And I know I belong among the stars. Watch me raise the walls that I have built Against your words laced with gilt And when the gilt corrodes, a light is shone: The Universe is what I call my own. And yet you could be a treasure trove Sometimes the glitter can be gold And diamonds are made from coal; But remember you won't outshine my goal. Yes, I've seen the black and white  Changing days bring changing tides But 'til I know who you are I belong among the stars.
Read more

A Grave Marker

 On May 18, 2016, a blog was born. Were it still active today, it would have been active for five years. Alas, it was not meant to be. This is the story of what Amateur Astronomy meant to me.     At one point, it was not a frequent occurrence for me to find someone as passionate about astronomy or astrophysics as I consider myself to be. So I was glad to make a friend who had the idea to publish our ideas in the form of a blog. But call it circumstance. Call it accountability. I don’t know. At one point, the frequency of posts was reduced suddenly. At the time, even I didn’t know the cause for it. I suppose I should have taken it as a warning of this blog’s dismal future. We were only two students with a lot to share and enthusiastic to do so. But you can only escape schooling for so long. That is exactly what happened. I make no secret of how my final year of high school affected me. And so, I bear no anger towards the person I was supposed to run the blo...
Read more

A Step Above: A Father's Day Special

June 04, 2018 Far apart from the crowds, the meaningless chatter, the gossip of the world, sits my role model. But that's not to say he's detached from the world; usually, he's at the center of it. But his presence itself is a whole new world; away from the societal constructs of everyday life, where base, primal tendencies give way to the distinction between heart, body, and mind, where the mind rules everything.  His behavior betrays nothing; his face, even less. To the world he seems unapproachable, cold. One might even go so far as to say his heart is made of stone. It isn't. It may not be easy speaking of emotions in front of him. I know it is the case for me. But moving past those difficulties reveals a person who gives advice the way no one does. Where the world says, "Dumb yourself down," he says, "Rise above." Where the world forces you to conform, he tells you to conform one facet of you - the body, the behavior, not the mind. Never the min...
Read more