Kindness Times Kindness and Offhanded Comments

This is something that had a profound impact on me, but it took me a while to realize to realize its exact profoundness.

When I was in sixth grade, there was a girl in my class who was a ballet dancer. When I first found that out, I told her offhandedly that I like ballet (to this day, it remains my favorite form of dance). I had only just started learning ballet myself.

A while later, after I forgot about my remark, she gave me a gold-and-silver shain with a pendant in the shape of a ballerina. It was simple and elegant, nothing too fancy. Just the kind of jewelry I like. I still have it, six years later.

I asked her why she gave me this. As offhandedly as I told her that I like ballet, she told me, "Well, you said you like ballet."

I did not understand why that warranted her doing something about it, but I understand it now, with help from my mother. Before this incident, I thought that these opinions of who likes what were light and casual, but after this and a few other incidents, I realize that what you like adds value to your life. I suppose it's a form of personalization of the one life we've all been given. So when you tell someone about something that pleases you, that matters. And when someone decides to do something about it (like give you something that pertains to the thing you like), it shows that they care. It's a way of saying, "Hey, I know you like this thing, so I [did this] so you can surround yourself with the stuff you value." And honestly, it's freaking touching when someone shows you that they care in this way.

So I carry this forward. I ask people how they're doing with the things thay value, and if someone makes an offhanded comment about what they value, I try to give them something that pertains to it.

Maybe sometimes they don't understand. But I do understand, and I make the choice between brushing a comment aside or doing something about it. Because someone once made that choice with me, and I'm really glad they did. So I try to make people happy the way I was made happy.

For the past five years, so much of my time has been consumed in observing people and thinking, "That's how I don't want to be." This is different – I want to be thoughtful about others the way someone was thoughtful about me. I can only hope it's succeeding.

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